I sat at my favorite coffee shop, cradling my warm red mug filled with strong black coffee. In that moment, I pondered the idea of giving up on the ministry. Despite a feeling deep in my heart that it wasn't my true calling or in line with God's will for me, I left the coffee shop with a resolve to seek guidance from God on what path I should take.
The next day the Holy Spirit highlighted the passage with the women with the blood issue! I have read and heard that story so many times! This time I read it with a new perspective and felt a deep connection to her suffering! It doesn’t say specifically that this woman wanted to give up, but I believe she did!
Here’s five reasons why I think she wanted to give up:
1. Her continual flow of blood labeled her an outcast by religious traditions.
2. She dealt with this health issue for an extensive 12-year period.
3. The woman endured significant pain due to her condition.
4. Despite seeking help from numerous doctors, none were able to bring healing.
5. Exhausting her financial resources in pursuit of a cure, she invested in various natural remedies, yet none proved successful.
This set of circumstances could easily lead someone to consider giving up. However, this remarkable woman displayed a faith best described as "IF I CAN." Undoubtedly, she had heard numerous testimonies of Jesus' healing power, igniting a seed of faith within her. Her main focus was on Jesus, with the conviction that touching Him would bring about her healing. I admire her unwavering faith and courageous risk-taking. Refusing to remain in a state of defeat, she pressed through the crowd with persistence and determination because she knew who Jesus was.
The next day came, I got so overwhelmed I broke down and cried! I struggled to get through the evening! I prayed myself out, got discouraged, and took my Ministry dream board off the wall. I became so paralyzed I just stared at my wall and when that got old I took a nap (escape behavior at its finest.) The reason I wanted to give up on the Ministry is because… I love it, it’s my passion, and it feels my heart! I felt like I couldn’t give it the time and attention it deserved! My obligations outside the Ministry are overwhelming!
I have this beautiful cheerful six year old in my life, God uses her a lot to teach me things. The other day I was carrying the weight of everything that I’m balancing, randomly she grabbed my fingers and held them tight for a long time. At that moment God flooded my heart and brought back the woman with the blood issue to mind and in my mind I thought, " I know Jesus, I've been paralyzed with His peace, and I’ve fallen to the ground because I have been struck with His glory. All I have to do is touch Him and hold on tight (just as my sweet six year old friend was doing to me). I have to cling tight to Jesus and let go of somethings! Those things might shake my world but I know Jesus! I have to have “IF I CAN” faith, If I can just touch Him I will be healed! I have to position myself to get my healing, if I don’t I will remain in a place of doubt, unbelief, pain, and discouragement!
Sometimes being fearless is letting go!
I am still seeking God on what to give up, but I know with my whole heart it’s not the Ministry! Affliction is costly, but when you cling to Jesus faith arises and healing takes place!
“Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.”
Mark 5:34 NLT.
“Fear will always target your faith! Faith does not mean absence of fear! Faith means taking risks based on God’s Word instead of catering to fear!”
Randy Clark
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